For years I’ve been intending to connect with my inner fire. To find my spark. That tender and passionate place within the heart that lights the flame of inspiration and moves me from within.
So much of my journey has been about this, how to explore the inner knowing, that Remembrance, that which ignites through the wind that moves this clay golem. Why I’ve been so drawn towards the mysticism, and the muse of the arts.
I began an invocation in 2016, when I was journeying with my more shamanic aspects in Crestone, listening to my spirit guides when I’d spend days and nights on end alone in the desert and mountains praying to the fire with my owl and hawk medicine.
May I live this life a work of art.
Trace my footsteps cross the stars.
Remember, who you really are.
I have carried those messages in my medicine pouch of internal wisdom, letting it steep in a myriad of lessons and experiences that have informed the expressions of my weaving, my art.
You see, when I started to see it all as magick, that’s when it really changed. I started to understand why I would crawl up under my covers as a kid and read Harry Potter for hours on end. When I would walk through the forest, usually only when I was alone, that I could hear the subtle whispers of the tree spirits, and this sense of enchantment… It’s also why I loved games like Zelda so much, about an adventurer who had a faerie orb as a guide that sets out to gather the elements from each corner of the kingdom to save the day.
I had alway longed to return to that sense of magick. To live a truly magical life, consistently, and I saw that’s what brought me to the inner work, as the conditioning of society and the karmas I was connected to and born into had ripped my connection out of view.
When I had lost my fire growing up, in my first dark nights, I felt no purpose to live. There was no inspiration. And I had no tools, no way to understand the caverns within my psyche and the collective traumas I was navigating. I felt utterly and completely lost and alone. No one understood the depths of what I was going through, the visionary realms I was traversing.
I remember years later when I heard that in ancient indigenous cultures, what we consider as schizophrenia in the modern west, the shamans of the tribe read those symptoms as signs of an Initiation, usually in young people. That the very things we consider to be “disorders” today, were signs of potential that that child was meant to become a spiritual healer, a shaman, a leader of the tribe, a bridge between the human and spirit world.
I know that this true for me. I see that the very struggles I went through, the conflicts I had with culture, the sense of isolation and the burning desire to express my connection with Spirit, were all a part of the perfect conditions that my starseed was planted in the soil of the soul. That contrast creates the rich compost for the garden, so that our gifts may emerge as seeds that blossom.
So much so that rainbow phoenix medicine would find me, is one of the deepest blessings of all. That I would be initiated into the ancient mysteries and the ways of inner alchemy. That I would come to discover a tribe of mysticals all over the world, sharing this Vision. This flame a connection that I trace within the caverns of my soul, the cave that I could only find by making the Descent.
Deeper… and deeper… and deeper still. It appears for me that the journey of awakening is a journey in, to the center of the self. One of settling into the oak and marrow, of embodiment. Over the past 8 years I have been going through an Anja Chakra activation and a Crown opening, and it became increasingly apparent that for every expansion that my consciousness goes through, I must equally ground in. It became demanded in a certain way, a part of the curriculum, that I get down to Earth. That’s where all the juiciness is, and all of the trauma, for us beings from other dimensions, it can be difficult to face the entirety of the human condition.
I remember a show I watched with Amanda Flaker last year, where she spoke of how the true power of an empath comes from dropping into the dense layers, and emerging through that with greater refinement in our desire. She called it listening to our Urge. I find that to be the creative fire, the shakti that sit, much like the serpent coiled at the base, waiting to unwind in the forge of our awareness. To Rise and Unwind in the light that can only be seen through the darkness.
This reminds me of how much the Dragons have helped me with this. Dragon energy for me is that flame that sits within the cave, awaiting patiently, a vast power dormant, until the winds that call their flight. This is not just a metaphor for me, but a living archetype, and there are inter-dimensional beings far more ancient and wise than we, that can be known as Dragons. Though not entirely like their anthropomorphic image, that is just the surface of what they represent. The dragons sit deep within the earth, within the cosmic consciousness of Gaia, riding along the rainbow currents of her interwoven subtle nervous system.
I feel their sparks alive within me, within my own subtle channels. That as they clear, the deep connection I have within the earth may rise with the flames towards the sky, and ride on the winds of inspiration. That I soar in expressions of liberation embodied, as I know is the potential we all have to be conduits of creativity, channels for the divine to express itself in the prima materia. That desire to have my hands in the clay, to create in the image of that direct fire of perception, I’ve found art as the closest way to express the connection with the Divine.